Covid worsened bullying habits. Programs like Defeat the Label hope to turn that around

(FOX 2) - A family's world was turned upside down when arguments between their son and his friend turned toxic. Eventually, it would lead to an emotionally traumatizing year for him and weeks of issues for his parents.

"It was a horrible thing that happened," said Connor, a pre-teen whose name we have changed for this story. 

According to Connor's mom, issues started during the pandemic when virtual learning became the norm and relationships went online. It was there that he met a schoolmate online towards the end of 4th grade.

"They started playing online together after school. They started becoming pretty fast friends," said Dawn, Connor's mom who we have also changed the name of. "I believe it was around the summer going into the fifth grade, they would argue a lot."

Then one day, Connor came down the stairs and told his parents they had been DDosD. "We had lost all of our internet," Dawn recalled her son saying.

A distributed denial of service attack is when someone sends millions of bots to someone's internet address, slowing down the speed and making it work inoperable. It's not a traditional form of bullying, but it created havoc for the family.

"My husband works from home. He had meetings we would just lose Internet because he was doing this to us," Dawn said. "It lasted, I would say about two to three weeks before we got a grasp on what was going on."

It took hundreds of dollars to fix. But when Connor returned to school, the bullying didn't stop. The individual told him he knew where he lived, that he could come over, and that he would tell everyone else his address. 

The bullying lasted for three months before it turned physical.

"I could tell he was depressed. Just to see him not having anybody to hang out with and not being able to talk to anybody at school because the student isolated all of his friends," said Dawn. "It was really hard."

Things only got better when an outside organization moved in. Defeat the Label wasn't working to stop Connor's bully, but the presentation given in their class caused him to tone down his behavior. 

It's a clear-cut example of what happens when a school takes initiative in the right way. It's also a case of how when children aren't able to socialize the way they're used to, they have a harder time navigating conflict.

"I don’t know if we're ever going to fully eliminate bullying. I do think we can address it and nip it in the bud earlier," said Jamie Kaniarz, executive director of Defeat the Label. "Unfortunately, it’s getting worse. 

"Since Covid happened, we have all of these students who have effectively lost however much time - a year, 16 months - of that growth with their friends, that social-emotional growth."

Cyberbullying and social media is a piece of that trend. 

With access to the internet, kids are constantly aware of what they and their friends are doing and how they're perceived online. 

Defeat the Label uses the acronym RAPP to define bullying, which is behavior that's Repetitive, Aggressive, Purposeful, and when there's some kind of power imbalance.

Kaniarz says Defeat the Label goes into middle schools and high schools for eight lessons. They work with teachers and students fro several months by identifying the types of bullying and where they come from. 

It helps students know the difference between teasing and bullying, and gives guidance on ways to intervene effectively. 

"Some schools that we’ve had the pleasure of working in have had a change in their culture in a couple of months. Others schools it may be a year," said Kaniarz.

For Eastover Elementary Principal Andy Gignac, who has used a program called Upstander for eight years says the program helps equip students with strategies for dealing with issues themselves.

"It’s scary to confront a bully or to step in and intervene. Giving kids strategies is kind of like building their toolkit," he said.

He says Upstander creates a common language that everyone knows, including bullies.

"It’s when you intervened and have the conversation with the bully because they’ve also had those lessons," said Gignac. "When they’re called out for something that they did, there is often times that moment of ‘Oh yes, I did do that, and I did have that impact’."

For teachers handling the situation, the goal is to turn it into a learning experience. "Sometimes we are successful. Sometimes we are not; then we have to use different strategies to try to correct the behavior," said Gignac. 

"It’s challenging."

Other challenges that officials come face-to-face with is when kids shield their feelings.

"Because kids are so good at hiding their emotions, there are a lot of times administrators and teachers don’t know there’s a problem until it’s a problem, and then they have to try to respond to it," said Kaniarz.

There's also challenges in implementing programs because it could take away from a district's mission of reaching other educational goals as well. However, partnerships can help.

"It's not going to be the school that solves it completely. The school can play a part in that, but we need the support from the parents. We need the support from outside organizations," said Gignac.