Hana St. Juliana's sister speaks during Oxford sentencing: 'Loving Hana shouldn't be this painful'

For Reina St. Juliana, she doesn't want to be happy. Hana, her sister, was her happiness. And now she is gone. 

Life for the St. Juliana family hasn't been the same since losing their daughter on Nov. 30, 2021. Reina, who read statements from her mom and herself during the shooter's sentencing two years after the tragic day, says the words "we love her too much" are too hard to hear. 

"Because if we say that out loud to each other, we all have to face the fact that we have to miss her forever," she said. "It's not an instance where we can wait for her to come back. It is the rest of our lifetime without her."

Hana was supposed to speak at Reina's wedding. She was supposed to host holidays. Together, the sisters were going to be the best duo on the lacrosse field. Both knew what the other was thinking. "One switch to Japanese and we get to talk in our own little world," she said.

But instead of speaking at her wedding, Reina spoke at her funeral. She curled her hair in her casket. 

"I hate it. I never asked for it. I never want to accept it. Loving Hana shouldn't be this painful, and life isn't supposed to be this paralyzing. I am scared of forgetting Hana. I want my hippocampus to be filled with Hana and Hana only. I don't need new memories. I want to keep the ones I have," she said.

In her comments to the shooter, she said he didn't deserve to take another breath and his parents shouldn't see the light of day. Oxford district employees should be held accountable, "and we would all be working in a time machine."

For Reina, one of the hardest parts of facing the rest of life is doing so without her sister, who died when she was 14. 

"Can you even? It's such a young age. I want you to think about everything that came after 14, everything Hana doesn't get to experience," she said. "She was not supposed to be shot and killed not even three months after starting her first year of high school. She was supposed to grow old, just as we all are right now – experience the beauty of life, not feel its cruelty. The least that can be done for Hana is for it to be ruled life without parole.

"There is no justice that will ever be enough. However, the first step is to ensure that he never has a chance to take away another life and destroy families ever again."

Related

Oxford High School shooter to be sentenced on Friday - what to expect and how to watch

The Oxford High School shooter will be in court on Friday for his sentencing for the Nov. 30, 2021 shooting that killed Hana St. Juliana, Tate Myre, Madisyn Baldwin, and Justin Shilling.